Static Influx

Sunset Thirteen weeks and six days ago one of my greatest dreams finally came into fruition! This is after living with the physical and psychological pain of a body that did not fit me and that I did not want. Since high school, my breasts drew more attention than I thought I could bear. Comments were often made to me about how I “filled out” the nightmarish white sweater I had to wear as part of one of my cheerleading uniforms. I did n’t mind the short skirt, althou gh perhap s I would have if it had n’t been for sweater situation. More than anything, I just wanted to tumble. I was good at it, and I had to be in the present to not hurt myself doing it. This is fortunate; around this time is when I learned about sex acts involving breasts courtesy of the older boys telling me what they wanted to do to me.      Not do be outdone, getting off the school bus to walk a distance up a shared driveway, that older neighbor boy would tell me about how he was going to come into...

  We never get the same sunsets, twice. I live in the city but was raised in the country. I am part of a blue island in a red state. I have  flown high with dream-come-true successes in a charming life and have dived into the gutter to rip off my skin and throw myself away. I have been on both ends of wildly in love and brokenhearted. I have been stalked, beaten, betrayed, kidnapped, survived trying to be killed multiple times and gun in my face multiple times but not necessarily at the same times... and that is not even the half of it. For the most part, I come from  a genuinely kind , loving and educated family. Most people would never suspect I have survived what I have, unless if, maybe, they are meeting me when I'm actively mitigating PTSD symptoms. I have always been a bleeding-heart empath as well as lived an artist’s life combined with one of service in some form or another.   A hallmark of unknowingly fighting C-PTSD for decades is trying to avo...